Tuesday, July 2, 2013

I'm Afraid (the confession of a troubled heart)

Where do I start? The words do not easily come out. My heart has been troubled lately. Ever since I've changed the look and theme of my blog, I've been searching inside wondering "is this the way you want me to write my blog, Lord?"

Have I been reflecting more of the world than of God? I know that my reasons for sharing my posts haven't fully been for His glory, and that is wrong. I feel so confused, like I'm being pulled in two different directions. I want to be myself, but sometimes I second guess myself. It's like I'm embarrassed be who I am. I want Him to be evident in my life, even when I post. I want my readers to see God when they read my thoughts. But have you?

I'm afraid that my life isn't what God wants it to be. Am I trying to fight His plan? I wasn't aware of it, but I keep getting that uneasy feeling that something just isn't right.

Maybe it's what I've been writing. I guess I feel guilty for switching to a more "me-centered blog."
I want Him to get the glory, not me. I'm so selfish.

Please, my dear readers, forgive me for my motives. I'm sorry that you had to be involved in my conflict. Please pray for me, I need to get my life right.

As for now, I feel as if I should cancel the fashion challenge. I'm sorry, but maybe I will do it again some other time.

My heart is heavy, and I feel guilty for not using this blog for Him. I won't be continuing my Be Bold series anymore, either. I'm sorry if you enjoyed reading it, but on account of the sin in my motives, I must delete much of my posts that I wrote since I changed.

Alright, Lord, I did it. I confessed, and I'm truly very sorry for sinning against You. Please forgive me, and let my readers forgive me too. I'm Yours, Lord. Change my heart, and use this blog for Your glory and praise. Amen.

1 comment:

Violet said...

What a heartfelt post, Megan/Abby! I will be praying for you as you try to find ways to glorify God here on this blog.

Your blog and reading your posts truly has blessed me and pointed me to the Lord. :D I do think you have been showing Christ to the world, even though you may feel that your blogging has been tainted by sinful motives (I am just as guilty of this!)Remember that "no one is righteous, no not one" (Romans 3:10) and "all our works are like filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:6) so even our best blogging is going to be tainted with sin. Don't fall into despair and discouragement! God can use even our stumbling, sinful ways for His glory! Even through you just sharing what you have learned through scripture has greatly encouraged me, especially when it is easy to feel isolated and alone as a young Christian when you know few other young people who have God at the centre of their lives. That said, however, it is important to always be examining our motives in light of the Lord, so I'm glad that you are doing that and you have really challenged me to do the same!

If you could pray for me too, as your post really convicted me as I had been wrestling with the same thing over on my blog too, asking myself "Am I blogging with purpose or just doing it for the sake of doing it?" Please pray that I too would be less self-focussed and more Christ-focussed! But like you have done here, acknowldging and recognising when He is not the focus is the first step towards letting Him work and change us, so thank you for "spur[ring me] on to love and good works" (Hebrews 10:24)

To God be the glory always on this blog! :)

God bless!
From your sister in Christ,
~ Violet ~